To be an Effective Member in a Group
Group counseling is an interpersonal process where members explore themselves in relationship to others in an attempt to modify their attitudes and behaviors. Group meetings do not always have to be therapeutic but sometimes it is a good idea to make sure that if the group indeed is entering a therapeutic situations such as mutual sharing or heart-to-heart sessions or even group counseling, there will be things that can be done to ensure the effectiveness group settings.
According to Pollack and Slan
(1995) a number of questions should be asked to group participants at the
beginning of the meeting in order to set the atmosphere for a safe group
sharing session or group counseling.
1. What
kind of help do they need and want? Are they favorably disposed towards group
discussion or do they prefer to discuss those problems individually?
2. Can
they talk in the presence of others? Can they reveal themselves? Do they wish
to do so?
3. Are
the willing to help others by offering feedback as well as by receiving it?
4. Will
they attend the group setting reliably?
5. Do
they understand and accept limitations on social contact with other group
members?
6. Are
they willing to take risks?
7. Can
they share the spotlight?
8. Can
they tolerate the anxiety and tension that group work often elicits?
9. Do
they accept curator factors and goals of group therapy?
Group settings can have different
purposes. Some are targeted towards helping members with certain types of
problems that are similarly shared among members such as counseling or addict
recovery groups, some are simply a bunch of people put together because of a
certain situation or necessity, such as church groups, corporate retreats, or
small gatherings. But one thing is clear, when the group is working towards a
more intimate directions, the members’ actions become more and more vital
towards the group as a whole. It is possible for new members to enter or leave
at a later date, but an effective group is a group that supports the growth of
every members. Therefore, it is important to ensure that each member can
properly place themselves inside group settings as to not cause things that
would result in disbanding or discord.
In this case, each person has both the privilege and responsibilities
inside a group setting to ensure a stable and effective progress.
Here are some goals in order to
help individual members become a more effective member of the group and
contribute to mutual growth.
1. Become
a better listener
One of the
things that are most necessary in a group setting is to ability to listen to
other people’s stories. Many times we are so focused on our own story, we are
unable to pay attention when it’s someone else’s turn to tell his/her story.
Being a good listener is the first step to help ourselves and other members to
grow together. One-upping other people’s experience and trying to monopolize
the spotlight is very destructive in a group setting.
2. Develop
Sensitivity and acceptance towards others
It is difficult
to accept that some people can show behaviors that we might not agree with, or
say something that we don’t like. But remember that the goal of a group setting
is not to criticize one another and members will not feel safe when they are
micromanaged or being given negative feedbacks when they are trying to share
their burdens. Correction should be avoided before connection is made because
when trust is developed, it would be easier to point out flaws or mistakes.
Doing so too early in the process will only result in defensiveness and
reluctance to share since they would expect a critic in return.
3. Increase
Self Awareness and Develop Sense of Identity
It is easy to
lose one’s own value when inside a group. In the early stage, members tend to
compare stories, but as the relationship grows, so does the feeling of
cohesion. Members can over-empathize with someone’s experience and develop
prejudice or bias towards certain topics, become so immersed in emotions that
might result in emotional reasoning filled with bias, and some would even try
to change who they are and their story in order to “fit” inside the group more.
It is definitely normal that people can have similar experiences and go through
the same kind of events throughout their lives. But each person can perceive
the same thing differently and have different reactions, which is also normal.
Some people may begin to compare stories and thus, lose their original identity
because they have been dragged by other people’s story and instead of living
their own, they start trying to blend their story into someone else’s story.
4. Feel
a Sense of Belonging and Overcome Feelings of Isolation
Being in a group
also means that one has acquired a support system that might be helpful towards
dealing with one’s problems. In an effective group, members support each other
and help each other grow. A sense of belonging would make this process more
enjoyable and also motivates individual members to do something in order to
enrich other members or the group as a whole. Being in a supportive group would
help individual members to tackle the feeling of isolation that usually
accompanies mental health problems. Knowing that there are a group of people,
going through similar things, and are ready to support you is what we consider
as a support system.
5. Learn
to Trust Others as Well as self
Trust is
essential in any kind of relationship. In a group setting, knowing that
whatever you share with other people will stay safe is a blessing. It is very
difficult to share secrets or sensitive information about your own struggles
when you fear that somehow someone would leak them outside or anything you
share will be used against you. Some groups may have more trouble establishing
trust among members such as mandatory group counseling or hastily formed groups
for events or workshops. Trust cannot be forced. It is shaped little by little
with interactions and mutual understanding. Moreover, as weird as it sounds,
trusting yourself is also important. Many times, we fear that we might
accidentally do something embarrassing or spill out some details about ourselves
and that would make other members uncomfortable. To trust yourself to behave
correctly is also one way to show your trust towards other members that they
are not there to ridicule you or to put you down. That it is okay to be
yourself and to do what you think you want to do without being coerced.
6. Recognize
and state areas of Belief and values without fear of Repression
It is inevitable
that some members would have values that we do not agree with. They may decide
to do something about their problems that we think we would never do. Sometimes
we also think our values would not be accepted so unconsciously, we doubt
ourselves and try to copy other people’s values in order to “not argue” with
other members. But when members trust, appreciate, and are comfortable with
each other, this will not be an issue. Everybody needs to accept that people
have their own ways of doing things and even when they differ greatly from
ours, it can also be right. Other people may not always agree with us, but if
it works, it works. It might now work for other people, but if it works, with
you, then it’s not necessarily wrong.
7. Transfer
what is learned in the group setting to the outside by accepting responsibility
for solving one’s own problems.
Sometimes, a group
can have great chemistry and members can freely discuss about their own
problems and receive feedbacks from other members. But the point of a group
session is to help ensure that individual members can go about solving their
own problems with things that have been gained from group sessions. Group
sessions are not considered fully effective when group members rely on group
settings without being able to utilizes the solutions acquired in group
settings in their personal lives. Some members develop dependencies that they
come to group sessions, looking for answers because they fear making the wrong
decision if they do not consult with the group first. Independent problem
solving outside of the group is preferable because when members feel like they
cannot do without the group, it creates another problem. Sometimes, they would
ask for solutions from the group members but become angry when it doesn’t work.
The responsibility of each one’s life should not be dependent on the group. A
group is considered effective when it manages to improve each member’s personal
lives outside the group. It means, group sessions actually make members become
better people outside of the group. Even though relationships with other
members can continue beyond the group, individual members should use the
knowledge and experience inside the group setting to enrich their individual
lives.
Thompson,
R.A. (2003). Counseling Techniques (2nd
ed.). New York : Brunner-Routledge.
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