A Dear Friend Departed

I wrote this on 11 September 2019

Last Year, on 11 September 2018, I received news that in the morning, a dear friend of mine was involved in a traffic accident and he died. His name was Ricky and he was 20 years old. He was in the same church with me and he was also serving at our Children Church. We have known each other for only 3 years but we had grown fond of each other, shared stories, and sometimes we gave advices to one another. With a few close friends, Ricky had also visited me in my house along with a couple of our friends, cooked meals, and played all day. Because both of us were so busy, we could only meet once or twice a week at church on weekends and chatted through our phones on weekdays, then tried to plan for holidays. Ricky, along with Billy, Winsean, Hans, Jonathan, and Nathan were the younger boys I mentored informally and had been considered to me as my brothers. The last time we saw each other face to face was the time when he just got back from an Internship at Bali and he came to our Children church to serve one more time before he’s shipped off to another internship.

When I first got the news, I quickly went into denial. I managed to control my emotions but it did not deny the fact that I was in shock. I could not concentrate on my task I finally cried later that afternoon  in the bathroom when we were at the wake. I cried again at work this morning because I dreamt of spending time with him last night. When I saw the casket, I could not even recognize his face at first because it was so pale. They covered up his face with make ups to hide the scars and wounds that were not even dry because the accident happened in the morning. Even so, he had his usual kind, child-like face and seemed to grow a bit taller. There was still some blood on his white tuxedo. That was the first time I saw Ricky’s family and his mom was so depressed, she was crying while laying down on a line of chairs. His brothers and sisters were trying their best to hold it in. I tried to hold back my tears because Winsean and Hans were also there doing the same so I felt compelled to comfort them. I could only cry loudly today when I got some time off at work.

The first time I saw Ricky, he was still a teenager. He saw me playing with a little toddler in front of the Children Church and he was smiling. He tried to talk to the toddler but she kinda ignored him. He was friends with Winsean, Hans, and Nathan long before he met me so I could only imagine how they must have felt when they heard. Ricky was a very kind young man and even though to some people he seemed distant and aloof, it was only because his mind was focused on working hard in order to make his Mom happy. He came from a not so whole family and he was the youngest. He was not particularly close to some of his siblings because of some family issue and he told me about how lonely he felt at times. Sometimes when he could not hide his sadness, he would find the opportunity to ask for a hug and talk to me and to other adults at church. He cared a lot for his friends and almost always smiled whenever we saw him. Ricky was short for his age and he has a small posture so some would still mistake him for a high-schooler. Despite all that, he lived his life bravely. Even with occasional doubts, sadness, or he might even get lost and angry at times, he worked hard in his life and he tried his best to live it. For someone who looked like a kid, he was mature and he could take care of himself. He told me his dream about owning a hotel someday when he graduates and getting some experience managing hotels beforehand and he told me he would let me stay in it for free. When he was stationed in Bali, he even told me to stay at the place he worked at when I planned for a vacation. Too bad my vacation was cancelled because of my studies.

One of my biggest regret was the month before he died, we almost did not speak at all. Probably because both of us had been so busy and we only chatted a few times to simply ask how each of us had been doing. I changed my phone that month and my chat history with him was lost. Ricky was not in the habit of relying on his phone so a message today might get replied 2 days later. But even so, our conversation simply continued like those 2 days did not even happen. He shared stories to me about how to get girls, how to resist temptations, and how to improve his self-esteem and how he worried about his family and his education. He told me how he wished to be taller so he drank a lot of milk even though he hated it. While he was sharing, he still found the time to ask about how I was doing and even gave me some advices in the areas that I lacked. Ricky used to remind me to watch my health especially because I was sick a lot during the time we knew one another. We even joked about who we would bring to each other’s wedding day. The last time we met, I promised him I would find the time for us and the others to go to the zoo or to play at a trampoline park since we had been planning for those whenever there was a holiday coming up but somehow they never happened.

I have nothing but good memories of Ricky. I saw how hard he tried to achieve in order to reach his goals and make his family happy. I saw how sad he was when he thought he could not do it. I shared with him my life stories as he shared me his. He enjoyed playing with the children at our Children Church and even though it never happened, he did plan to come back after he finishes his studies. He had a good heart, and he worked so hard in his life. Though I am terribly sad that he had to go that way and so young, no less, I could never understand why and I can only guess. And I am definitely not one to tell what others deserve or don’t deserve. God knows why and perhaps He thought that it was time. Perhaps God can no longer wait to meet Ricky because he had been such a good person and He simply wanted to meet him sooner. Perhaps his passing will finally unite his family. I don’t know. I only felt a little glad when they told me he did not suffer because it happened so suddenly and he died before he reached the hospital. I am also glad that I and other people had a chance to touch his life, helping him during his lowest points and supporting him, and vice versa. Perhaps God deemed that he has done his part in our lives and he had finished his race. Now he can go home.

Rest in eternal peace, Ricky.

We will very much miss you a lot my brother, my friend.

I hope you are rewarded accordingly in Heaven.

This is just a momentary goodbye.

We will see you again when it is our time.

Until then, I for one will miss you very much.